Reflections on Newborns
I am holding a 5 week old baby that I have cared for from the day of his birth. It isn’t just sweet sounds of small breaths and his gentle warmth as he sleeps in my arms that makes me think to myself over and over: newborns are a gift.
Of course, no doubt, babies are precious to the families they are born into, but that is not entirely what I mean. In caring for them, there is a window of understanding into the human heart that is both unique and profound. This stage of human development is as precious as it can be instructive.
Developmental psychologist Erik Erickson theorized that there are eight stages of psychosocial development, from infancy to adulthood. At each stage, individuals face a conflict which will shape their personality in turn. In infancy, that conflict is trust vs. mistrust. Will I be cared for? Does someone come and tend to me when I cry? This is the drama of the newborn stage.
Erickson believed that consistent and reliable care for the needs of the child actually has the power to embed truths into the fabric of their being. This could be in the subconscious, or as some kind of somatic memory. Regardless, what is being transmitted to them is a sense of deep abiding trust. Yes. People can be depended on as affectionate and tender. There is hope for security when the inevitable pain of hunger or cold or tiredness sets in. My needs matter. I am seen.
I love how Curt Thompson, MD puts it, “We all are born into the world looking for someone looking for us”. What I have witnessed aligns with that. And though I love learning from them, it doesn’t take the tools of a developmental psychologist or a neuroscientist to discern it.
The baby I am helping to care for just began to smile. The smiles break across his face like sunrise, it looks like he’s heard the most outrageous joke. It’s a little early and so wonderful to watch. The marvel of it to me is that newborns express core, base functions for survival: nourishment, physical hygienic care, sleep. But the very next function that arises is smiling. The need to be delighted is with us from the beginning.
This is one of the many beauties of postpartum work; creating space for new bonds to be formed and strengthened.
Understanding this stage allows me to approach this season of life with gentleness and reverence. It all matters. The babbling, and breastfeeding, and singing. Caring for mothers so she can attune to her baby. It all matters.
Like the rings that remain inside of a tree as it ages and grows, love requested and love answered remains in us. As the baby in my arms stirs and begins to wake up, I am reminded of the gift of him. The gift that he reminds me of this.